The truth about vampires: Does reality bite?

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Let’s think about the so-called powers of our favourite fictional bloodsuckers

Vampires, also commonly known as night owls, are the poster children for immortality, and as seen in Hollywood, some of the most dramatic characters on screen. Whether you first encountered them through the gothic horror of Dracula, the cringeworthy trainwreck that is Twilight, or the chaos that is The Vampire Diaries, chances are you’ve definitely grown up with some very niche ideas about what vampires are. These ideas, as mentioned, are heavily inspired by TV and books. The interesting thing is that a majority of what we know about vampires seems to be completely made up. I know, I’m just as shocked.

Let’s start with the most well-known myth that is remixed to be a fact about vampires: that they are allergic to sunlight. This is the biggest myth that pop culture has forced upon us. We have all seen it, the moment the first ray of sun hits a vampire’s skin, they either burst into complete flames as seen in The Vampire Diaries, or they start shimmering like a disco ball as seen in Twilight. The interesting thing is that classic vampire folklore does not mention anything about the sun being a mortal enemy for vampires. Even the OG vampire, Dracula, casually walks around in the daylight, although he is seemingly weaker during the day. In The Vampire Diaries, vampires wear what are called daylight rings so that they can walk outside during the day. It wasn’t until Hollywood decided it would make for dramatic visuals that all of a sudden, we started seeing vampires turning into dust the second a speck of sunlight hit their skin. This myth or fact never really made sense to me. Vampires are supposed to be these powerful creatures, but they burst into flames under sunlight? That seems a little antithetical.

Another power that vampires use to lord over others is their immortality. They don’t age, they don’t die (unless you get creative with a stake, or sunlight). Most importantly, they never lose their good-looks. In theory, this sounds very powerful. However, I can’t help but think that immortality just sounds exhausting. Imagine having to keep up with trends, re-learning how to use new technology every few decades, and pretending to be a high school student for 100 years (looking at you Edward Cullen and Stefan Salvatore). Not to mention, who in their right mind would want to be a high school student forever? That just sounds like torture to me. The Vampire Diaries did a really great job at showcasing how a never-ending life can mess with a person’s head. The audience saw how the characters constantly struggled between their pasts as humans and their new lives as vampires. Immortality sounds cool, but it comes with some serious existential crises. Forget a midlife crisis, or a quarter life crisis, immortality just sounds like one crisis after the other forever.

One other thing that vampires are known for is their super speed. Vampires are always zooming around. They move so fast that the human eye can barely detect them. The Vampire Diaries took this to a brand new level by making their speed look almost cartoonish, with vampires flying from one place to another in the blink of an eye. It makes sense that creatures designed to hunt would need to be quick, but it doesn’t make sense that they still bother walking to places sometimes. If you can be anywhere in a second, who would you bother with walking? I would be in Rome one day, and in Seoul in the next. I would live the life of a travel influencer if I was a vampire. If only, my friends. If only.

Moving on, there is also the concept of compulsion. In shows such as The Vampire Diaries, vampires can control people’s minds with just by looking at them. This makes the subjects forget things, spill certain beans, and essentially, become their puppets. This, I think, is a very interesting vampire power. It is also incredibly horrifying. The idea of compulsion is rooted in old vampire myths, where vampires were said to have a hypnotic gaze that could lure their victims. In pop culture, it has been turned into a tool that is used for other manipulative purposes to, of course, add more drama to the plot! It makes for toxic and complicated relationships between vampires and humans, which to many is good television.

There is also the power of shapeshifting. Classic vampire lore showcased vampires as powerful creatures that could turn into bats and wolves. I have noticed that modern vampire fiction has mostly abandoned this power. Twilight for example kept the vampires locked into one consistent form.

There is also the idea that vampires don’t need to breathe. This is a very confusing power to me. They’re undead, but they also gasp dramatically when stabbed, and they pant when they are running. This is a power that is riddled with unexplained inconsistencies.

The reality is that vampires do not need to make perfect sense. Many of us watch or read fantasy fiction, not for the facts, but just so that we can engage with something that is fun. Vampires are entertaining. Whether they’re moving at a lightning-fast speed, controlling minds, or sulking and brooding in dark hallways, vampires have an aura of mystery and intrigue. This is the actual power that makes them so fascinating. Pop culture has given us so many different versions of what a vampire can be, and that is what makes them very entertaining. The only issue I am sad about is that at the current time, there are very few fantasy books or TV shows about vampires. This is why I always go back to shows such as Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and The Vampire Diaries. The fact of the matter is that whether they’re terrifying creatures of the night, or emotionally tortured immortals struggling with their feelings, there is one thing to be certain about, and that is that vampires will never go out of style.