The Last Saskatchewan President

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image: Kyle Leitch

image: Kyle Leitch

Sung to the tune of The Last Saskatchewan Pirate

An excerpt from Drinking Songs of the Academy

 

Well I used to be a teacher and I made a living fine

I had a modest stretch of land along the coastal line

But times went by and though I tried, the profs were never there

And the college came and took my land and told me “leave your lair”

 

I looked for every job as prof, the answer always no

Hire you now, they’d always laugh, we just let tenure go

The governors, they promised me presidency vice

But I’ve got too much education for that to suffice

 

Then I thought who gives a damn if all the profs are gone

I’m going to be a Pres’dent at Regina, Saskatchewan!

 

CHORUS:

And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, tear the place apart

Cutting Phil and English and all the other arts

It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey, departments bar your doors

When you see the vice-chancellor in U R corridors

 

Well, you’d think the local students would know that I’m at large

But just the other day, I found a department head in charge

I snuck up right behind him and with a word of censure

I cut the funding and slashed the jobs and I threw out his tenure

 

A bridge that’s part of Broad St. spans the Wascana creek

Sessionals cross in so much fear their throats can only squeak

Cause they know that Vianne T is hidin’ in the bay

I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and strut off with their pay

 

CHORUS

 

Well, Thomas Chase, he chased me, he was always by my side

He’d lie to the faculty and he never lose his stride

He always talks of hopes and dreams and always keeps his calm

So now he’s struttin’ with us and we call him Dreamy Tom

 

A rent-free house, a big red pen and ruthless policy

I underpay my non-admin and screw fine arts degrees! (Screw ‘em)

Struttin’ down at College West, the terror of the free

Wanna vote with non-confidence? Boy, you gotta get by me!

 

CHORUS

 

Well, Pres’dent’s life’s appealing but you don’t just find it here,

I hear in Ontario there’s a band of privateers

They crash the student protests from Guelph to old Crandall.

And you’re gonna lose your civil rights if you pass through Montreal!

 

Well, winter is a’comin’ and a chill is in the breeze

My Pres’dent days are over as tuition starts to freeze

I’ll be back in springtime cause I’ve nowhere to go

I hear there’s lots of plunderin’ for me round Gatineau!

 

CHORUS

 

FINAL CHORUS LINE x3

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