The Last Saskatchewan President
image: Kyle Leitch
Sung to the tune of The Last Saskatchewan Pirate
An excerpt from Drinking Songs of the Academy
Well I used to be a teacher and I made a living fine
I had a modest stretch of land along the coastal line
But times went by and though I tried, the profs were never there
And the college came and took my land and told me “leave your lair”
I looked for every job as prof, the answer always no
Hire you now, they’d always laugh, we just let tenure go
The governors, they promised me presidency vice
But I’ve got too much education for that to suffice
Then I thought who gives a damn if all the profs are gone
I’m going to be a Pres’dent at Regina, Saskatchewan!
CHORUS:
And it’s a heave-ho, hi-ho, tear the place apart
Cutting Phil and English and all the other arts
It’s a ho-hey, hi-hey, departments bar your doors
When you see the vice-chancellor in U R corridors
Well, you’d think the local students would know that I’m at large
But just the other day, I found a department head in charge
I snuck up right behind him and with a word of censure
I cut the funding and slashed the jobs and I threw out his tenure
A bridge that’s part of Broad St. spans the Wascana creek
Sessionals cross in so much fear their throats can only squeak
Cause they know that Vianne T is hidin’ in the bay
I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and strut off with their pay
CHORUS
Well, Thomas Chase, he chased me, he was always by my side
He’d lie to the faculty and he never lose his stride
He always talks of hopes and dreams and always keeps his calm
So now he’s struttin’ with us and we call him Dreamy Tom
A rent-free house, a big red pen and ruthless policy
I underpay my non-admin and screw fine arts degrees! (Screw ‘em)
Struttin’ down at College West, the terror of the free
Wanna vote with non-confidence? Boy, you gotta get by me!
CHORUS
Well, Pres’dent’s life’s appealing but you don’t just find it here,
I hear in Ontario there’s a band of privateers
They crash the student protests from Guelph to old Crandall.
And you’re gonna lose your civil rights if you pass through Montreal!
Well, winter is a’comin’ and a chill is in the breeze
My Pres’dent days are over as tuition starts to freeze
I’ll be back in springtime cause I’ve nowhere to go
I hear there’s lots of plunderin’ for me round Gatineau!
CHORUS
FINAL CHORUS LINE x3
LOL! I’m crying!