Sports Roundtable – Feb. 14


Campus rink, fifth-year athletes, Regina pats

Braden Dupuis, Paige Kreutzwieser, Kris Klein, Autumn McDowell

Many fifth-year athletes are playing in their final games as Cougars. Out of the graduating players, who do you think is most likely to return as a future coach at the U of R?

Dupuis: My God. I’m so fucking glad it’s almost reading week. Just when things are starting to pile up and I’m about ready to bash my head in with a brick, the clouds part and there is a ray of hope. I love you reading week. Can’t wait to get my read on.

Kreutzwieser: I should give a disclaimer – this consisted of me going on the internet and finding out what fifth-year students are in the faculty of Kinesiology. Therefore, I have come to the not-so-educated conclusion that Paige Wheeler might stick around.

Klein: Look how many times have I told you I don’t go to Cougar games thus I don’t know any of the players! Some people just don’t listen these days.

McDowell:  I could picture Russ Nielsen coaching the men’s hockey team in the future. He has all of the qualities that make a good coach: leadership, skill, mustache, drinking ability, and he’s definitely old enough.

Would you be in favour of getting a hockey rink on campus? If yes, would you be willing to take a tuition increase to pay for it?

Dupuis: Yeah, sure. Why not? This university’s already got nine-and-a-half fingers up my wallet’s butt; might as well make it an even 10. But, seriously you guys, we’re so close to reading week I can taste it. In my mind I’m already eating home-cooked meals in my underwear and ignoring my dad’s drunken ramblings about his new boat.

Kreutzwieser: Not overly if it means I have to pay more in tuition. I’d rather pitch in money to help our faculties that are actually in dire need of financial support. However, that being said, for a curling rink with a bar I would.

Klein: Yes, yes, yes and no, no, no. Look, I pay enough for my schooling already. I could just easily get an ATV with a blow and a hose and go soak the green. Boom problem solved.

McDowell: I can confidently say that I would live there. Seriously, I would spend an ample amount of time in that rink, and at the bar that they plan to attach; I hear the working title is “Cougar Town”. That sounds wonderful. Not to mention, I bet more than five fans would come to the games, since residence kids have nothing better to do than walk five steps from their incredibly small, horrible smelling apartments to enjoy some puck.

Do you think the Regina Pats can make a miraculous run at the playoffs this year, or will it be another early summer?

Dupuis: Don’t you hate it when your profs assign a whole shitload of homework due right after reading week? Isn’t that just the worst? As if I wanted to spend reading week fucking reading. Am I right, bros? I just want to wheel broads and catch big air and celly hard while I snort drugs with all my sweet bros. #coolguy #brolife #brolo

Kreutzwieser: Does Jordan Eberle still play for them? I kid.

Klein: You’re funny. I like you, but your crazy.

McDowell: I can confidently say that it will be another early season exit for the Blue and White. I wish I could say that Regina would be getting playoff action for the second year in a row, but the Pats have been bitten by the injury bug over and over this season, and I think it’s going to be too late to recover now. Please God, let them not be mathematically eliminated early … again.

With a shortened season, who is your dark horse to win the Stanley Cup this year?

Dupuis: Isn’t reading week just the greatest? I like it so much, I’m considering just going on a permanent reading week. I could just live in my parents’ basement and eat home-cooked meals in my underwear for the rest of my life and listen to my dad’s drunken ramblings about – oh God kill me now.

Kreutzwieser: I’ve failed massively on my resolution to watch the NHL, and after realizing that San Fran doesn’t have an NHL team, so I can’t jump on that city’s 2012-13 pro sports team band wagon, I’m going to go with the Bruins. Are they even considered a dark horse?

Klein: The Calgary Flames. No but seriously it could be the Leafs …. Ha, sorry, I couldn’t keep it together.

McDowell: I’m going to take the Tampa Bay Lightning as my dark horse this year. Some of you are probably bitching right now about how Tampa is third in the Eastern Conference so they can’t be a dark horse. Well, let me tell you something imaginary people that I am arguing with. Tampa Bay didn’t even make the playoffs last year, so STFU.

If you could make any professional athlete your Valentine this year, who would you pick and why?

Dupuis: Kobe Bryant and Ben Roethlisberger team up to star in this year’s must-see rom-com adventure, “Mandatory Valentines.” When both stars are convicted of less-than-noble crimes, their punishment is that they have to get married…to each other! This Valentine’s Day, Kobe and Ben are finding out the hard way the true meaning of “taking one for the team.” Rated NC-17.

Kreutzwieser: If you would have asked me when I was 13, I would have said Mike Bibby (embarrassing) and about 3 years it would have been Derek Jeter (equally as embarrassing). But today, on a whole different criteria, I'll choose Joe Mauer – he's attractive and I'm single.

Klein: Ben Scrivens!

McDowell: Okay, this isn’t an athlete, but since I made up the question, I can say whatever I God damn want as the answer, so I pick John Tortorella. I would really like to go toe-to-toe with him, and I’m convinced that I am the one media person in the world he couldn’t get mad at. And if he’s not available, Sidney Crosby.

Photo by Emily Wright

1 comment

  1. Lindsey Isaak 14 February, 2013 at 12:04

    Seriously? Good riddance to fifth year athletes? I have no idea why you felt the need to add that, but you might want to explain it. The women's basketball team might want to hear it, considering they are bringing in a shit-ton of money by hosting nationals this year.
    You're writing about sports at the U of R, the least you could do is watch a fucking game or two. Or even appreciate the fact that five years is really fucking hard to do.

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