Sports Roundtable

Three is (almost) always better than one./ Keith Allison

Three is (almost) always better than one./ Keith Allison

The tables in the Riddell Centre aren’t the only ones around


destiny kaus – production manager

john loeppky – sports editor

matt wincherauk – editor-in-chief

jhett folk – contributor

  1. A number of sports teams on campus have been having their cabaret-style fundraisers recently. Did any of you go to some of these events or have any upcoming ones that you want to plug?


DK: Well, my softball team and the other VCAB sports teams did some kind of beer tasting thing at The Owl this past Saturday. I obviously didn’t go. But, apparently it was good. The softball team will be doing a cabaret in the near future…I think. So keep your lil’ ears open for more info!


MW: Not a chance. Being at school for so long every week means that I spend as much time at home whenever I can. Social interaction can be scary.


JF: I had a ticket to Oktoberfest, to be honest with you, but I didn’t make it out. It sounded like a lot of fun, but I was being responsible for once. I haven’t heard of what the next one might be, but I’m sure I’ll stumble into it regardless of who’s hosting.


JL: I should go, but I don’t. Some of these teams get next to no funding. Can you imagine if the Riders had to fundraise through lackluster beer-soaked cabarets at The Owl? Wait, no, that would be amazing, if only for our front-page story the following week.


  1. I know you all watched the baseball playoffs. What do you think will happen to the Jays next season and were you surprised by their success this year?


DK: I was surprised and beyond pumped about how the Jays did this year! Yeahhhh boiiii! I predict another successful season for them in 2016… unless of course the umps decide to make completely bullshit calls with shitty strike zones that affect the ENTIRE OUTCOME OF IMPORTANT GAMES GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.


MW: I was surprised by their performance and how far they got. What I was not surprised by was their finish, and nice choke job performed by the bullpen. Eat it, Jays fans.


JF: First and foremost, I was in no way surprised by the Jays success. The lineup was unreal, the pitching was solid and honestly it didn’t look like they were missing much, other than left handed relievers. I suspect they’ll be battling it out with the Yankees again next season for the division title, depending on who all they can re-sign.


JL: Has the NBA season started yet? Yes, baseball is cool (if only in October) but the best sport with a round ball is played on a court and not on an artistically mowed field.


  1. Why do you think that the sports teams at the U of R struggle to attract fans?


DK: A) Because most of the sports teams suck. B) Because there’s plenty of nerds here at the U of R who would rather spend their nights studying than watching sports. C) Because most of the sports teams suck. D) Because people have lives outside of sports. E) Because most of the sports teams suck.


MW: I’ve got to agree with D-Money. The teams aren’t particularly good – specifically the teams that are meant to have big followings like football, hockey and basketball. When those teams struggle to get fans out, the rest of the teams are going to struggle as well.


JF: I think the publicizing of U of R campus sports isn’t done very well (sorry to whoever does it). I literally never hear about when games are. Now, before you jump on my case and say look them up yourself, I have to be blunt: I’ll go to a sports event if a team is good enough for me to look them up, or the dates/times are plastered everywhere in a way I can’t miss.


JL: Win some games and you’ll have fans. Perpetually lose and your team will have your parents and their friends in the stands. You have to market yourself as an alternative to the other sports that are out there. Personally, I think it starts with football. The Rams would have a far better game day atmosphere if they didn’t play in the cavernous dead zone that is Mosaic Stadium.


  1. What’s your favourite cliché or sports quote?


DK: “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” – Muhammad Ali. ‘Cause it’s BOSS. And whenever I read it, it makes me want to surprise the crap out of my competition and crush them with no mercy. Mwuahahaha.


MW: “Give it 110 per cent.” That’s a mathematical impossibility, people! As my life coach, Ron Swanson, said, “Give 100 per cent. 110 percent is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”


JF: Literally anything a hockey player says in an interview. It’s the same interview by every guy, every time. “Yeah, boys worked hard. Gotta stay outta the box. Yeah, just didn’t get pucks in deep. No puck luck tonight. Just got out-worked, gotta be better, y’know.” It’s hilarious really.


JL: When you have a chance, look up Colemanballs, the nickname given to British sports commentator David Coleman’s various hilarious utterances. My personal favourite is, “If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.”

Comments are closed.