Barry McHugh shares his account on survival and reclaiming his life
I’m a first-year social-work student at the University of Regina (UofR), who is only three months into my first year, feeling a bit overwhelmed just by the sheer size of the campus. To be honest, I was falling asleep in class exhausted just from all the walking to and from classes. I felt like a chicken running around campus with my head cut off and simply lost. I almost felt like writing a letter to someone to complain about the size of campus and how they need to make it smaller. Totally unreasonable! But after forty-four years of living on this planet I’m kind of used to getting my way and what I want. Let’s just say, I was spoiled and demanding as a kid.
My roots
Did I forget to mention that I’m a First Nations person who realizes colonization has ruined this beautiful country we now call Canada? I am aware of the stereotypes associated with people like me and how many see us as the “bad guys”. It’s not completely their fault since for decades the media and movies have portrayed us as the bad guys. But they must realize that my people are broken people who are mostly born from addicts and/or abandoned. I know the majority of what the residents of Regina see around are the addicts and the gang members.
I’m really starting to fall in love with sobriety and myself because you can’t actually truly love another person until you first learn how to fully love yourself.” -Barry McHugh
Survival despite the odds
I have been to jail three times in my life. Let me tell you that most people in jail I encountered were addicts, and so was I. The two jail terms were six months and one was nine months. Jail is where I learned how to become a real man since I needed to be tough to survive in there because the weak ones, unfortunately, get taken advantage of. On the flip side, when I actually sat down to talk to the other inmates, I realized that they were just hurt little boys who grew up with no family support just like me. They are scared and have kids outside waiting for them.
The only way to earn respect in jail is to go into another person’s cell and swing it out with them. Whether you win or lose, as long as you go down swinging, you will earn the other prisoner’s respect and I know this is because I experienced it in my last jail sentence. There was a big kid in his early twenties and he was always hassling all of us after one of the shot callers left the range. That meant the kid felt more freedom to be a bully and I never liked bullies. So I motioned to him that I wanted to fight him and he came up to me and said “go wait for me in my cell”. I went and walked into his cell immediately, waiting for him to come. As soon as he walked in, he said “so let’s see what you got Barry”. His gang member buddy had to pull us apart which ended the fight. I went back to my cell and to my surprise he came to my cell and shook my hand out of respect. That was almost 5 years ago and I’ve grown up more since. I do not go around looking for trouble anymore!
I’m in the process of getting a pardon for my criminal record and I actually want to be a contributing member of society. I have come to see that life is not about the destination but it’s really about the journey. I have almost 5 months of sobriety after being an addict for two decades. I attend Narcotic Anonymous (NA) meetings every Sunday and go to church every Sunday too. I’m really starting to fall in love with sobriety and myself because you can’t actually truly love another person until you first learn how to fully love yourself.
