University using potholes for research


The university comes through for science

The University of Regina recently announced the reasons why the university took so long addressing the pothole issues in various parking lots around the university. After several import Asian-made cars with unreasonably low profiles, ridiculous amounts of stickers, and insurmountably huge spoilers were obliterated beyond recognition due to the potholes, the university published a report outlining their plans to address the craters. In this report, the university announced that the Faculty of Science would utilize the potholes for astronomical research, specifically for astronomists studying craters.

The report stated that the lack of funding from the Provincial budget and the corresponding university cutbacks for the faculty as the primary force for this decision. In justifying the decision, the report stated:

“We want to give our students who are passionate about astronomy an opportunity to research and study craters at a state of the art level, while spending literally no money on the venture. For a long time, we were never able to make this vision a reality because we could never find holes big enough to imitate craters. Now, we are extremely blessed to make this vision a reality. We are confident we’ve created an optimal opportunity for students, and we’re looking forward to great results in research.”

When asked about what the university will do about the parking lots that are now also a research facility, the report stated:

“In order to encourage collaboration between the public wanting to park and the research facility and to cover the costs incurred by the facility, we will be doubling parking rates. We feel that we have leeway in this area financially, as student parking passes have been greatly affordable for students. Also, we will be doubling parking fines while impounding cars that do not pay their fines and expelling those students from the University to Siberia.”

The report has generated mixed reactions. Several astronomy professors supported the notion, saying that it is, “a step forward in progressing research and scholarly results within our field.”

On the other hand, astronomy students simply refused to comment.

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