Tips for success for the wealthy from a broke university student

(1) The stock exchange big board (1) Jewish Ledger

Just eat the rich

Financial advice columns seem to be lacking a diversified opinion in recent news articles. Since many billionaires have taken it upon themselves to give us their opinions on the dos and don’ts of saving and spending money, I thought I would give them my own perspective from a broke college student and what I would suggest being the best ways to spend their money.

  • Surround yourself with successful people, but make sure their moral corruption is disguised

If your own success is not enough, look to those around you. Success can come in many different forms, but by diversifying your pool of individuals, anything from the Hollywood elite to different corporate CEO’s will suffice. Remember, you can be friends with the most morally corrupt people possible, just make sure nobody finds out!

  • Not spending money is the same as making money

As a broke university student, it is very important to create a budget. So, for your own personal sake, fire your gourmet chef and get in the kitchen. All of those extra funds that you saved by firing your chef can go towards the taxes you did not pay last year. Groceries are expensive, and you may want to cut down on your grocery bills. Fine wine and organic strawberries will just not fit in your budget. I suggest picking up a 24 pack of ramen noodles from Walmart. Ramen is about 13 cents a pack, and you can be eating for the low, low, low, price of $142.65 a year!

  • Don’t show off, show up

Put that private jet in your garage! Fire your pilot and your chauffeur! Sell your Porsche because its time to get active. With bike lanes popping up all over the city, now is the time to monopolize on the beautiful weather and get outside. Perhaps, bust the pony out of the stables if you are really feeling adventurous. I am sure nobody at the office will complain about your furry friend. If you are really into life on the road, you may even consider van life. After the costs of renovating your van, you would only have to worry about the cost of gas to get you around.

  • Avoid any keeping up with the Joneses attitudes

I know that this one will be hard for you millionaires, but it is important that you try not to compare your wealth to other people’s wealth. I know it can be difficult to not buy a new vacation home when one of your fellow millionaires posts about their trip on Facebook, but it is all about self control. If you do feel the urge to spend money on another vacation home, buy it for me!

  • Always remember that everyone should live by the 4/20/69 rule

Forget the 50/30/20 rule and make way for the 4/20/69 rule! When everyone is taxed appropriately, we will all be working four days a week, for 20 hours a day, with a minimum wage of $69.

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