Don’t be that guy


Being nice isn’t a get-into-bed-free card

Ryan Bromsgrove
The Gateway

This is an open letter to all the self-described “nice guys” out there, and one that I can sum up in three words: knock it off.

You know the type. They’re always that shoulder to cry on. They’re always there to listen. Their heart is five-sizes bigger than other guys’, but gosh darnit, they always end up in the dreaded “friend-zone” because girls are dumb and only date assholes. These guys then complain about how much of a bitch that girl is for not reciprocating their feelings. We all know at least a few people who seem to be stuck in the zone.

No. Just no. The “friend-zone” is nothing but an invention of the nice guy to explain why he doesn’t get the sex he (wrongly) feels he’s entitled to.

Unfortunately, what these nice guys don’t understand is that you’re not actually entitled to coitus. In order to embark upon the adventure of having a sexual relationship with a partner, it’s not enough to just be nice. Your personalities have to click on a deeper level than simply “I keep bringing you roses – why aren’t we fucking?”. Reciprocated sexual attraction helps too.

Basically, what you need to understand is that girls are more than simply objects you’re entitled to fuck after meeting a certain degree of niceness. You don’t get to just fill in a checklist.
Bought her dinner? Check. Listened to her complain about her ex? Check. Held her hair while she drunk-vomited all over your car? Check. Achievement Unlocked: Right to Fuck.

What you need to understand is that women are human beings capable of deciding for themselves who they’re going to have sex with. You’re not trapped in the “friend-zone” – like having a friend is such a terrible thing anyway – you’re just not compatible enough with the girl for a relationship. And that’s just for now, too. There are plenty of times when good friends turn into something more.

And you know what? If you really, truly are a nice guy, and you’ve been there for some girl for all her life, and she does, genuinely, exclusively date bona-fide assholes, then her judgment sucks and she actually doesn’t deserve you.

But, that’s giving most of these “nice guys” way too much credit. Thanks to the Nice Guys of OKCupid Tumblr, we can actually get a glimpse into the minds of these poor, misunderstood gentlemen. They complain about girls never sleeping with them despite how nice they are, while also espousing such opinions as yes, women must always shave, and yes, there are situations where a woman is obligated to have sex with you.

If you’re a nice guy permanently stuck in the friend-zone, take a good hard look at yourself and your attitude towards women. The problem is not that women won’t date you; the problem is that you are a misogynistic human being hiding behind an invented excuse as to why you aren’t getting sex you feel entitled to.

And if a woman wants to be your friend despite your dehumanizing opinion of her, count yourself lucky.

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