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We do not need to be told to eat more, we recognize how small we are and pointing it out won’t change that.
Content warning: eating disorders, body dysmorphia
When you meet someone what are some of the first things you notice about them? Their height? The colour of their hair? Maybe their skin tone or complexion? And we all know damn well that you take into account their size and how much you think they weigh. We hear about how hard it is to move through the world as a larger individual and the comments and jokes that are made at their expense. I would like to recognize that their experiences are valid and that what they are forced to deal with from the world is unfair and cruel.
I’m here today, however, to talk about the other side of the spectrum. I’m here to speak on behalf of the girls who are told that they “need to put some meat on their bones” or that they “better be careful or they might blow away.” For all the individuals who have people ridicule them for being tiny and accusing them of caring more about their size than they do about anything else- we are more than just the “skin and bones” of the world, and this is how your words hurt us.
Looking at the media nowadays and seeing what we should look like is hard for a small person. Seeing that you should have a big ass, large chest, and curvy hips is not something that exists for most of us. Without resorting to extreme measures and permanently altering your body, it is very difficult to try and look even kind of like the women we are told to idealize. It is not a matter of losing weight or changing how we eat. For many in this situation, there is not much you can do. You can eat whatever you want and however much you want, try to build muscle as intensively as possible, and you will still not be able to get to where you want to be.
Media aside, there is also the endless ridicule and comments from those around us – from the older generations trying to force us to eat more and telling us we look like walking skeletons to people our age making comments that they’ll break us or think it’s fine to carry us around at random. These are just a few of the things that you’re forced to deal with on a daily basis.
The worst thing to deal with is people telling you that you should be grateful and that they wish that they looked like you. Now, I know what you might be thinking: you should take this as a compliment and be happy about it. Why should we be happy with all of the descriptions we obtain being about our size? Or happy that it is viewed as acceptable to comment on openly, and that ridiculing or harassing someone for being smaller than you is seen as justifiable?
It’s time to shed some light on the mystery behind our size. Starting off with the basics, for many it is just the way they are. Genetics is a fascinating thing, and sometimes that just makes you smaller than other people. Metabolism is also a funny thing that works faster for some people and not for others, which is okay. There is no need to go and point it out just because we are not set up the exact same way biologically.
Now, for some, the reason behind our size is much more serious than just the speed of our metabolism works. As we know growing up, a lot of people have that baby weight, and some shed it later than others. Those who end up shedding that weight a little later than their peers oftentimes get ridiculed and bullied for their size. When they do eventually shed that baby weight it can be hard to stop wanting to shed more and more weight. The ugly head of body dysmorphia may make an appearance and let me tell you it is so much easier to think that you are still that chunky little kid that was made fun of in elementary school than to realize that you are a tall, thin adult. Trying to see yourself the way you truly are now and not the way you used to be months or even years ago is one of the most challenging things to do.
If one cannot shake the feeling that they are larger than they are, this can spiral into the risk of developing an eating disorder by limiting or refusing to eat, overexerting oneself through excessive exercise, the use of laxatives, intentionally making oneself sick, and so on. There are so many different ways that we can harm ourselves, because even though the rest of the world is telling us that we’re small, we still think we need to be smaller.
What’s even worse is when people start to tell you that you look good and compliment the way you look. This confirmation is all you need to know that what you are doing is right and that you should keep going so you can look better. They will only keep telling you that you are an inspiration or telling you that they want to look like you until you no longer exist until you need a feeding tube and someone to monitor what you are ingesting and ensure that it stays down until you end up looking like the skeletons that are hiding in your closet.
Stop commenting on how small we are. Whether you think it’s helpful to sing our praises or are ridiculing us because you would like to be the same size as us – you do not know why we are this way and you do not know the harm that is caused as a result of this. It is mentally exhausting and the physical repercussions may be catastrophic. Just let us be – and for the love of God, don’t offer us a sandwich.
