The Lazy Owl 3: Tokyo Drift

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If you think the hallway looks spooky, just wait until you read the menu. Lee Lim

Another semester, another Lazy Owl menu review from our brightest

Well, maybe third time’s the charm, and this will be the time the Lazy Owl fixes their menu.

Last year, I wrote two articles about the Lazy Owl, reviewing their menu when it changed for the fall semester and then again in the winter semester. With the return to campus, they once again revamped their menu for this fall semester. I had a lot of things to say in the last two articles, and I’ve returned with even more.

As a disclaimer, this is not about the taste of the food, it’s about the menu. Everything I say about the menu can be seen on the menu as of writing this article. Don’t forget kids, it’s not slander if there’s proof.

This is an almost entirely new menu full of brand-new items. This might be a downfall for the Lazy Owl. If they keep changing their menu, people coming in to get something they tried and liked last year won’t see the items on the menu.

Let’s move on to our categories, starting with Pub Classics. The price range in this category is $7 to $13. In the nacho listing, it says it comes with “savoury toppings,” but doesn’t actually list any toppings. What is on the nachos? Should I be concerned about what’s on the nachos? Is it a secret for a reason?

There are two chicken wings listings, one for a regular and one for a chef special. Why are the chef special wings gluten free but not chicken wings? Where’s the gluten in the chicken wings, but not in the other wings?

Finally, the mac and cheese. Why isn’t the mac and cheese vegetarian? What is the meat in pasta and cheese? Is it even a cheese sauce? Because it’s listed as a “creamy sauce.”

Our next section is Burgers/Sandwiches/Wraps. The price range here is $8 to $10. There are no sides for the section like there usually are for burgers and sandwiches, but they can be added to the order at an additional cost. The reason for this is unclear because options in Pub Classics come with fries.

All three burgers have the listing of “Additional sauces served on the side per request.” What are these additional sauces? Is it a mystery sauce? Additionally, both the buffalo chicken and the chicken caesar wraps have no description. What’s in them? Why don’t we get to know what’s in the wraps? I am starting to get concerned by the number of mystery ingredients.

I’m going to leave the pizza alone this time; too much trauma after seeing the vegan feast pizza in person.

Next is Classic Comfort Food, with a wider price range of $4 to $10. With the pani puri/gol gappe you get 12 pieces, but the veggie samosa only gets you 2. It’s a weird choice, and when the price difference is only $3 between the two items, it seems even stranger. Rounding off the section is the chicken tikka, which is marinated in a mystery marinade because, once again, they don’t tell us what the ingredients are. It’s also listed as gluten free but served with naan bread, and Google is telling me naan is not gluten free. What’s the point of ordering something listed as gluten free and then getting gluten? 

The final entrée category, Mains, has a price range of $7 to $15 and brings back the mystery ingredients in full force with the fried rice and chicken fried rice listed as containing “vegetables.” Which vegetables? Who knows! Maybe it’s the whole cast of Veggie Tales but they don’t want you to know that you’re eating Larry the Cucumber. And if you want to know the vegetables in the vegetarian biryani, good luck knowing anything that’s in there because, again, there’s no description.

To end it off, we have the sides. We once again have no description for several menu items, and a price range of $1.20 to $10. The poutine is apparently vegetarian and vegan, even though gravy is typically made of meat and cheese curds aren’t vegan; we’re left with questions. The garden salad has a gluten-free option because, I guess, mixed greens must be full of wheat. In comparison, there’s no gluten-free option for the caesar salad. The final salad is a cucumber & tomato salad, which is gluten-free and vegetarian but not vegan, I guess.

I may have come back with more complaints about all the new menu items, but I will never complain about the lack of Clamato on tap. Thank you for taking the Clamato off tap. I can sleep well at night knowing that no one is cleaning the Clamato tap anymore. And thanks for the halal options you promised, finally.

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