“The gym not only houses Olympic weightlifting equipment, but also works with members who consider themselves elite athletes. These athletes have the ...

"I mean, can you blame me? That petty cash box was never going to steal itself."

“Can’t you find the answer to that on Wikipedia?” – Marshall Burns

“At that time, URSU had a terrible ride-board on their website; I looked on there and people hadn’t used it for two ...

“I listened to a Blink 182 album and I decided I wanted to play music.” – Byrun Beets

An excerpt from Drinking Songs of the Academy

“‘George bagged a NovoBus!’ the mayor cheered triumphantly. ‘That man is an (expletive) genius!’”

“I heard the Twilight books know about love. I should really read those.” – Joseph Maciag

“Needless to say, let’s hope this isn’t the last U2 record because they would go out with quite the whimper if so.” ...

“We smash a cinder block over a band member’s chest.” – The Horde