Sports Roundtable


Most boring Grey Cup ever?

Braden Dupuis, Britton Gray, Paige Kreutzwieser, Kris Klein

This time last year, the women’s hockey team was second last in Canada West, now they are in second place with a 10-4 record. What do you think has led to the team’s success this season?

Dupuis: Considering how I don’t really know anyone on the team personally, I can only guess at what brought about this change in fortune. My guesses, in no particular order, are: repeated viewings of the Mighty Ducks trilogy, stirring inspirational speeches at key moments, performance-enhancing drugs and blackmail. Yes, any one of those will do.

Gray: A new season can be all a team needs to do well – just ask the Argos. This team came into this season with a new outlook and a fresh start, and they have taken full advantage of it. Congratulations to the team and coaches for being able to improve since last year.

Kreutzwieser: After quickly skimming through some articles, I’m going to go with Wheeler. I could be so wrong with this choice, but I’m going with it because her name popped up in practically every article. Plus, I’m being biased in choosing her because she has a wicked first name.

Klein: I have no idea. It could be they’re a more experienced group than last year. I’ve been meaning to get to a game this season but the factuality of education has prohibited me to attend based on the copious amount of homework. Thanks education, you make the world go round.

The Toronto Argonauts won the 100th Grey Cup; do you think the victory will be enough to finally grow Toronto’s fan base?

Dupuis: It’s possible, but I’m willing to bet that any goodwill gained from Grey Cup 2012 has already been negated ten times over by Rob Ford’s fat ass cartwheeling out of control at one of the pre-game media events. That shit is almost enough to kill sports entirely.

Gray: I think it will, because the championship-starved city finally has a champion. After years of mediocrity from the Leafs and Blue Jays, Toronto finally has a team they can be excited about. Also, Ricky Ray’s moustache is something the city can get behind.

Kreutzwieser: Doubtful. Most Torontonians probably don’t know who the Argos are, let alone Ricky Ray. The Grey Cup was in their town, but when TSN would scan the crowd, it was full of fans for other teams. Maybe it’s because all the Bieber fans snatched the tickets before Argo fans could get a hold of them?

Klein: I think so. They have a solid quarterback in Ricky Ray, a pretty solid running back in Chad Kackert and an insane kick returner/receiver in Chad Owens. The fans in T.O. would be stupid not to go see those guys light it up week after week, but no. They would rather go see the Raptors and Leafs lose a total of 95 games at home. Smart Toronto, real smart.

What was your favourite part of the Grey Cup halftime show?

Dupuis: OMG, don’t make me choose. Was it Mariana’s Trench with their sublime melodies, profound lyrical insight and super stylish hair glitter? The lip-syncing perfection of C-Ray Jeps and J-Biebs? Brian Williams and his lazy eye? I think my vote has to go to the part where Gordon Lightfoot’s skeleton sang that song about trains.

Gray: Three words. Carly Rae Jepsen. She was the highlight of the half-time show because she performed the most played song from this last year: Call me Maybe. Justin Bieber was wearing way too much leather and Josh Ramsay was way to- Edward Cullen. Sparkles!

Kreutzwieser: Trying to figure out if Gordon Lightfoot was alive, because he truly looked dead; and,  if he was singing in English, because it really sounded like he had his own language going on. Also, the two dudes behind Brian Williams pretending to toke up was pretty awesome.

Klein: Not watching it. Seriously, I got better things to do like bash my head against a wall then listen to “attempted” singing. I think the 100th Grey Cup will always be remembered for the lip-syncing of that douche bag, Justin Bieber, and Carly Rae Jepson. And a note to Selina Gomez, who obliviously has a thing for Canadian guys…How you doing?

A lot of NHL players have gone overseas during the lockout, while others have stayed home to run their businesses. If you were a player, what would you choose to do during the lockout?

Dupuis: Gee I dunno. Maybe I would take a trip. Somewhere warm, away from the hustle and bustle of the work-a-day lifestyle. Or perhaps I would treat myself to a new sports car, and drive it to the ocean with my supermodel wife. Or maybe I’d take my millions out of the bank and just fucking roll around in it. The world is my oyster.

Gray: I would stay home and find work. It’s not as glorious, but it’s an opportunity to spend time with family and friends. It’s a long season, often being far from home for most players and this gives them the perfect opportunity to be with their family.

Kreutzwieser: If I was Sidney Crosby, I’d be wiping my tears with all the dollar bills still coming out of my ass. But, if I was a nobody, I’d probably be back mooching off my billets, partying it up like the good ol’ Triple A glory days. YOLO right?

Klein: Probably go overseas. If my job was to play hockey I would be looking for somewhere to play hockey. That or plot an operation to finally do away with Gary Bettman. Seriously, I hate that guy.

Finally, the most pressing question: What is your favourite drinking game and why?

Dupuis: This is one I’ve been playing for years. First, pick up a bottle of hard liquor – preferably tequila. Line up six shot glasses and fill them. Starting from the left, drink all the shots as fast as you can. Quickly re-fill the glasses and repeat until your bottle is empty. Now, call up your ex-girlfriends, one-by-one and let them know how much better off you are now and cry yourself to sleep wearing nothing but socks. Good times.

Gray: Nothing is better than the great sport of beer pong — the ultimate game of wit and hand-eye coordination where two gladiators do battle in a sport of champions. After about ten games, only the strong are left standing.

Kreutzwieser: Oh tough one. Flip cup, or beer pong? Or, sitting at home drinking a bottle of wine to myself studying for school? No, Beer Pong wins.

Klein: Oh shit this is a tough one. My go-to since high school has, and probably will always be, beer pong. But, at a party, there is nothing to fire up the people more than a game of flip cup. It is where friends become enemies, people that have no clue who they are become your best friend, and where you lose your voice screaming. As the old saying goes: flip cup, your chain is only as strong as your weakest link.

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