Open letter to U of S president Ilene Busch-Vishniac

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Dear President Busch-Vishniac:

News has reached my office about the projected deficit for the University of Saskatchewan. $44.5 million by 2016. And, I must express my sincere and grave disappointment.

What I mean by that is that I am disappointed in myself. My executive team and I are trying our damnedest to run this place into the ground, and the best we could do is less than ten per cent of your expected deficit. How did you do it exactly? We took the classic “let’s gut the fuck out of the liberal arts because they’re all socialist hippies who’ll be serving me coffee anyways, and everyone loves a good leftie-bashing amirite” approach, but you really, really outdid yourself. But you’re not just going after the liberal arts programs; you’re taking down the entire fucking school! It’s brilliant!

I mean, no one’s actually going to do anything, which was my concern and reasoning behind not taking down Engineering and Business for fear of revolt (given that people actually seem to give a shit about those faculties, like wtf?), but I should have known that a student uprising would never, ever, happen in Saskatchewan.

So, from the bottom of my heart, I’d like to extend my most sincere congratulations. People like you are an inspiration to administrators such as myself. Maybe I’ll catch a flight to Saskatoon later this week (lmao driving), and we can meet up for a drink and discuss how the hell you managed to rack up that impressive $44.5 million deficit that says, “Fuck yeah. I made it.”

Sincerely,
Vianne Timmons

U of R president

P.S. drinks on me because I’ve obviously got some deficit catching up to do

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