Mario overthrows Crystal King

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A scene from the brutal assault./shadowkirby2007 (from Youtube video)

A scene from the brutal assault./shadowkirby2007 (from Youtube video)

Elite Bowser minion KO’d ice-cold!

In a shocking development across the Mushroom Kingdom, Koopa authorities report that the Crystal King, the powerful monarch who ruled from the Crystal Palace atop Shiver Mountain with a crystal fist, died today after being violently attacked by plumber and known anti-Bowser partisan, Mario. Further reports suggest that the plumber, supported by approximately eight other fighters of various races, defeated the Crystal King in a series of vicious hammer and jump attacks. Reports suggest that upon defeating the monarch, Mario immediately went to liberate the Star Spirit Kalmar, thus freeing all seven Star Spirits.

The attack on the Crystal King comes on top of previous trouncings Mario gave to other Star Spirit guardians. According to Toad Town’s wise man Merlon, Mario is releasing Star Spirits in order to gain sufficient power to defeat the Koopa King, who is currently located in Bowser’s Castle, which is currently in the sky after uprooting Peach’s Castle.

“After Bowser invaded Star Haven and stole the Star Rod, it was only a matter of time before he would try to kidnap the princess again. Given that he defeated the Star Spirits and Mario in this attempt, it was only natural that they would join forces to defeat him,” said Merlon.

Various eyewitnesses claimed to have spotted Mario with such beings as a Boo, a pink Bob-Omb and a Paratroopa working with him across the Mushroom Kingdom, solving dire problems wherever he went.

However, the Koopa Troop immediately called a press conference at Bowser’s Castle, denouncing Mario’s actions and vowing to repel his anticipated assault on the castle.

“This is a serious tragedy for Lord Bowser and the Koopa Troop as a whole,” said senior Bowser aide Kammy Koopa. “The Crystal King was one of Lord Bowser’s most prized minions and provided invaluable assistance in the confinement of the Star Spirits. We mourn his passing.”

Kammy reiterated that Mario would pay for the Crystal King’s death, as well as for the desecration of Tutankoopa’s tomb, the willful destruction of the Lava Piranha, a particularly endangered vile species, and the shocking defeat of renowned military commander General Guy.

She also claimed, “the Koopa Bros. are intent on filing a lawsuit for assault and damage to their fortress.”

When pressed on more troubling issues such as Princess Peach’s escape attempts from Peach’s Castle, as well as allegedly providing covert aid to Mario despite being held captive, Kammy turned two reporters to toads and shrunk another before shrilly insisting that “these events have been dealt with appropriately and no further mention of them is needed! Any suggestions that Koopa Troop guards have been serially incapable of keeping the Princess confined to her cell are false! False! Bleeaaahhhh!”

“We are united behind Lord Bowser and are more than capable of crushing that miserable red plumber! The mere thought of him even penetrating the castle’s defenses, let alone managing to defeat Lord Bowser is so laughable as to be…” Kammy boasted before spotting a star-shaped boat flying towards Bowser’s Castle, upon which could be seen a mustachioed figure dressed in red.

“Aaaackk! Lord Bowser! HE’S COMING!” she screamed as she ran back into the castle.

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