John McAllaboutme offers tell-all on International Women’s Day

a woman shown from behind, looking at a chaotic mix of cool-toned blobs and hands holding comment captions naomi ushiyama

Regina local shares strategies for respecting women daily

The Carillon, as an organization, has come very far in ensuring that gender biases and norms have no place in our workplace or our writing. Our current Editor-in-Chief, Taylor Balfour, is the first female Editor-in-Chief in fifteen years, and she has done a phenomenal job in the position. I’m serious – this woman is an absolute powerhouse who has won my eternal respect with how gracefully she navigates uncertainty and conflict alike. Roughly five years ago, there were only two women on staff, and now three of the four section editors – including myself – are women. It’s incredibly encouraging to be employed by people dedicated to affecting change and providing a platform to those whose voices are otherwise unheard in the media.

This week, on International Women’s Day, I had the pleasure of providing a platform for one of those voices when I interviewed Regina local John McAllaboutme on how he ensures that the respect given to women on this day is carried out year-round.

Good morning John, and thank you once again for making time for this!

Oh it’s no trouble Holly, I can always make time for a media appearance. Always happy to share my honest thoughts with the student paper.

That’s great to hear – honesty is all I ask for. I guess we’ll get started; do you remember when you first heard about International Women’s Day and the history behind it?

I have to reach into the memory bank for that one, gimme a sec…I guess it must’ve been when I was 15 or 16. I was in grade 10, in a history class with Ms. Asset – great name for jokes by the way, we came up with all sorts of-

I’m gonna have to stop you there – this is an interview on a day devoted to the progress of women’s rights, so it feels odd to include jokes about your 10th grade teacher and her…assets.

I mean it was funny at the time, and I have to admit I still dig into that memory bank when the internet goes down at the wrong time if you know what I mean.

No actually, for some reason I don’t have memories of my high school teachers’ bodies that I use for…whatever you’re implying you use them for.

Okay I get that like you’re interviewing me and all, but I really didn’t appreciate your tone there. Do you kinkshame all the people you interview?

Normally I don’t have the opportunity, so I’m gonna go with a classic “no comment” there, McAllaboutme. Next question: who are some of the women in your life that you’ve seen as role models, and what did you admire most about them?

Well there was this one lady who used to come into the coffee shop I worked at as a barista last year, and she’d always wear these flirty short skirts that just drew your eyes up so that every time she’d bend over to put her bag down you saw-

Please don’t finish that sentence. Please. I do not want to have to write what you’re about to say.

Shit dude, I knew you looked like one of those uptight feminazis, but I didn’t think you’d censor me so much. Typical.

Moooving on. Next question: how have you been impacted by toxic masculinity, and what have you found to be helpful in combatting that norm?

Is that like when dudes insist they’re fine when they’re clearly not fine?

Well, kind of. Toxic masculinity does categorize being “not-fine” as a feminine trait, so men who are actually honest about their mental well-being are often portrayed as weak because it’s seen as non-masculine to be not-fine, and being feminine in any sense is seen as a weakness by those with this outlook.

Christ, you talk a lot. I mean I guess I get what you’re talking about, I can’t really talk to my guy friends when I’m not doing so hot, but that’s what fuckbuddies are for, right?

…could you elaborate?

Well whichever chick I’m fuckin’ at the time is usually who I talk to about that stuff cuz I know it won’t last long, so it doesn’t really matter what I tell her or what she thinks about me, right?

I mean, if you see her as a human being who deserves at least the base level of respect then no, but I’m getting the vibe that’s not how you see things.

Hey hold on – I respect women! I always make sure the chick gets off before I do, I open doors for them and shit, but most females don’t even thank me for it so like how much is it even worth to them?

I promise you, most chicks get off every time they fuck themselves, so you getting them off is not a perk – it’s a baseline expectation. Also, if you’re only doing these things to get thanked for them, I really think you’re doing them for the wrong reason. Shouldn’t you be doing them because it’s just the right way to treat a person?

Well sure, I hold doors for my buddies too, but when chicks don’t thank you it’s like they’re taking advantage of your kindness.

…to hold a door? That’s kindness to you?

It’s chivalrous! Hold the door, let them rant when they’re bitching about things, buy them food, and they repay you with sex. Age-old, flawless formula.

Actually, being kind to women was a very small part of what chivalry was about, and even then, it held the mentality that women need to be saved – we don’t; we need allies.

Allies? What is this, a gender war?

No, it means taking a stand against the patriarchal structures that negatively impact every person of every gender, but especially women of colour and trans folks because they currently have the least rights.

Are you kidding me? When I got fired as a barista an Asian chick got my job, so clearly they’re not struggling too much.

Aaand we’re done here.

The Carillon would like to assert that the opinions of McAllaboutme do not reflect the opinions of the Op-Ed Editor or our body as a whole; we’re sorry you had to read this.

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