Canadian University Press ruins Christmas

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UntitledHorror villains’ tory votes are no laughing matter, CUP

I’m Not Angry
Kyle Leitch

A&C Writer

This being the final issue of the year and, as such, the last edition of I’m Not Angry, I decided that all of the rage I have left in my twisted, black heart should be well directed at one specific body.

A couple of weeks back, I wrote about how horror movie villains have been perpetuating Conservative political paradigms by slaughtering drugged-up, sex-crazed adolescents. Satisfied with my work raising social awareness, I let the matter rest. Let it rest until last night, that is.

See, the Carillon is a part of a larger governing body, the Canadian University Press (CUP). As a service to its member newspapers, CUP operates what it calls the newswire, a collection of some of the finest writing from the member papers across Canada. I was pleased to see that particular story made lead Arts news for the week.

“Good,” I thought. “Now, thousands of students have the potential to recognize this problem!” I decided to celebrate with a jolly good laugh from CUP’s humor section. What I saw literally smacked my gob. There was my story about Conservative-minded horror villains as the lead story in humor, too. I sat seething in silent fury before throwing this article together.    

I don’t think the editors at CUP realize the gravity of the situation that has been unfolding since the early 1970s, and I find it appalling that it was taken as a joke to some people.

“What sort of motherfuckery is this?!” I roared, jumping up from my chair. “That wasn’t a joke! Nothing about that article was remotely funny! This is serious business!” By reducing my article to a mere mockery of sociopolitics, you’ve removed all of the strength of the argument! Well, I hope you’re happy, CUP. Not only can I now never show my face at a comic convention ever again, but now my pariahism is all for naught. The Conservatives will continue pulling on the leashes of their chained dogs, and many liberal-minded politicians will be slaughtered senselessly. And all because you at CUP wanted a laugh. Well guess what? I’m actually angry, now.

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