Just like life, the book is a mixed bag
Written by Colleen Hoover, It Ends With Us is a book centered around the themes of domestic violence, abuse, and how they can intertwine with inter-generational trauma. The book focuses on our main character, Lily Blossom Bloom, a 23-year-old woman who is about to accomplish her lifelong dream of opening her own flower shop.
Lily Blossom Bloom is a florist. Colleen has never been one to give much thought into the names of her characters, but the name Lily Blossom Bloom deserves its own op-ed.
One windy night, Lily meets neurosurgeon resident Ryle Kincaid on a rooftop right after giving a eulogy at her father’s funeral. As if the book world has not seen this before, Ryle appears to be a brooding male character with a haunting past that is typically meant to excuse all of his actions, true to Colleen Hoover’s writing style.
The more Lily and Ryle run into each other, the more Ryle obsesses over Lily. Lily somehow ends up developing feelings for Ryle, although he does not believe in commitment, monogamy, and marriage; all of which are things that Lily desperately wants. It is the same old story. Girl meets boy, boy is not only a red flag, he is the red sea, girl thinks she can change boy, and surprise, girl painfully finds out that she cannot in fact change boy.
Forget going on Goodreads, that is the summary of It Ends With Us.
Things get serious when Lily and Ryle decide to enter a phase where they test whether they can be in a monogamous, committed relationship. Throughout this process, Lily is going through her old journal from her teenage days.
From the journals, we find out that her first love was Atticus Corrigan, a homeless boy with a troubled past. This was a time in Lily’s life where she witnessed her mother experience abuse and violence from the hands of her father. Amidst this chaos and pain, Lily relies on Atticus.
As Lily and Ryle grow in love, we begin to see the different sides of Ryle. On one side, he appears to be decent (that is the only kind word I have to describe him, sorry friends!). On the other side, he shows his manipulative side, toxic side, and abusive side, leading to a cycle of passionate love followed by heartbreaks. The only thing threatening Lily’s current relationship is her past relationship with Atticus.
The issue I have with It Ends With Us is that it is often misunderstood, and often advertised as something it is not. However, it is also advertised as something it wishes it were.
If you have been doom-scrolling on social media, you will know that people either love this book or they hate it. My issue is that there doesn’t seem to be any level of nuance when it comes to It Ends With Us. The book has its issues, but we have to be fair in acknowledging the few things it gets right.
Upon getting into this book, I had to do the mental work of clearing my mind of everything I had ever heard about it so that I can receive in a way that allows me to understand it. Colleen Hoover does a surprising yet beautiful job at depicting generational trauma and how it can catch up to us before we have even healed from it.
Lily had a difficult time dealing with her abusive household, and many times, she wondered why her mother would not leave her father. Even when her father inflicts abuse upon Lily, her mother tells Lily to cover up the abuse. Lily is in shock because she thought that the day her father inflicted his pain onto her would be the day her mother would leave. Unfortunately, that is far from reality.
Our society has a pattern of shaming victims of abuse. We ask why they won’t just leave. We question their stories. We doubt them. We make no space to understand them. We don’t shower them with empathy or compassion. In some cases, we wonder why our parents never walked away. Why did they decide to put up with the abuse? Why didn’t they protect us from abuse?
All of these are valid thoughts to experience. It Ends With Us does a pristine job at showcasing the mother-daughter relationship in the face of abuse. Lily has empathy and compassion for her mother, but her life has been changed forever because of the abuse she watched her mother endure.
There is one passage where Lily speaks to her mother about the abuse she is facing at the hands of Ryle. “We all have a limit. What we’re willing to put up with before we break. When I married your father, I knew exactly what my limit was. But slowly… with every incident… my limit was pushed a little more. And a little more.
“The first time your father hit me, he was immediately sorry. He swore it would never happen again. The second time he hit me, he was even more sorry. The third time it happened, it was more than a hit. It was a beating. And every single time, I took him back. But the fourth time, it was only a slap. And when that happened, I felt relieved. I remember thinking, ‘At least he didn’t beat me this time. This wasn’t so bad.”
When I see people reviewing It Ends With Us with no nuance, I just want to show this passage to them. Lily’s mother explains the cycle of abuse so well. Statistics don’t lie. Abuse always escalates. One day it is punching the wall. The next day, it is you.
Nobody should have to endure that pain. There are resources available for those who can use help. It is not your fault. You did not deserve it. You will heal. It might take you longer, but you will heal, slow and steadily.
Amidst the cringe-worthy lines, Lily’s obsession with addressing her journal entries to Ellen DeGeneres because she thought it made her cooler, and the pain that is Colleen Hoover’s writing style, It Ends With Us remains an important book because it explains the cycle of abuse, the inter-generational trauma, and why that cycle is difficult to break.
It is in our nature to seek familiarity in life. We are all drawn to things that remind us of our past. That can range from the wholesome perfume of our mothers as they hugged us, to the neglect and violence we faced at the hands of those who were supposed to love us.
We seek familiarity, whether it is good for our well-being or not. This is why going on a path towards healing is so crucial for your emotional and mental well-being. You deserve to heal. You deserve to get to know yourself and to know who you truly are. You deserve to shed the mask that you show to the rest of the world. You deserve to meet the healed version of yourself. The book ultimately shows us that the cycle and pattern of abuse should stop somewhere. It stops with you. It stops with me. It ends with us.
