Congrats on your romantic relationship! Expect no romance or relationship
Welcome to the world of modern dating, where we are past the era of commitment and shamelessly confessing your love under pouring rain. It seems that dating and romantic relationships are on a strange trajectory and social media is a major facilitator of this.
What is a situationship?
Psychologist Dr. Susan Albers from Cleveland Clinic describes situationships as reaping the benefits of a traditional relationship without the commitment. She outlines five characteristics to help you figure out if you’re in a situationship: if there are no labels or exclusivity, no clear boundaries, if there is irregular or superficial contact, a lack of integration in each other’s lives, and no growth or end to the relationship. Situationships can look like being left in the dark about the status of your relations while still having hope that there is the possibility for something more.
In a 2024 survey by YouGov, they found that 50 per cent of Americans in the age range of 18 to 34 have experienced being in a situationship. 29 per cent reported their situationships started through social media, with 7 per cent of those beginning on dating apps.
With our phones taking on the role of keeping us connected, they can act as a big catalyst for the beginning stages of modern dating. A pre-optometry student at the U of R, Sierra Scheidt, shared her frustration about this new phase of dating.
With our phones taking on the role of keeping us connected, they can act as a big catalyst for the beginning stages of modern dating.
“Now, you add someone on SnapChat and [it means] you’re already talking. With my grandparents, they really got to know each other before putting on a label,’’ said Scheidt. This so-called talking stage can be the testing ground for the trajectory of your forming relationship. If there is success in this early stage, it might proceed to something more or evolve into a situationship, but it could also fizzle out from mutual disinterest or end deliberately with one person ghosting the other.
Ghosting is the act of cutting off communication without explanation, usually either by blocking the other person or simply not sending a response to the other person’s messages. This weird in-limbo state of dating but not really dating can very well be the product of the pressures we feel from social media.
Social media affects attitudes towards relationships
Due to the nature of social media, there is often an image of the perfect relationship curated on our online feeds that contributes to many individuals choosing to be in non-committal relationships.
Kinesiology and Health Studies student Tegan Kim said that social media perpetuates the idea that having a partner is essential. “For a lot of people, they need someone else in their life or the validation of having another person. With social media, there’s a lot of pressure to be in a perfect relationship, and that could hold people back from fully committing to each other.’’
There are, for example, a number of online influencers that focus their content on their relationship and mainly have only the positive side of things on display, making it seem like they never encounter a conflict with one another. This puts pressure on daters to keep a positive air all the time. It is no wonder that engaging superficially with each other is increasingly appealing.
Additionally, social media encourages us to publicize our relationships, with algorithms favouring the latest juicy drama or development in the lives of both famous celebrities and average people. The constant need to share our current status online can dishearten folks from trying to date with intention.
The constant need to share our current status online can dishearten folks from trying to date with intention. – Lee Lim
While sharing our flaws could gain us engagement from viewers, it doesn’t always feel good to show our pain publicly. Getting rejected, ghosted, or seeing long-term, committed relationships end can make us feel pessimistic about dating. It can discourage us from really trying because of the thought that our efforts will likely go to waste.
Education and music student Silas Obrigewitsch shared that many turn to labelless relationships because of their personal fears. “Nowadays, so many parents are divorced and children can see how this disrupts their lives. There’s that fear that [they] don’t want that to happen to [them], and rejection sucks.’’
Modern dating feels bleak and situationships can further complicate our lives. There is no quick remedy or formula that produces the perfect relationship, but compromising with modern dating methods might get you closer to someone you don’t mind sharing your imperfections with. Though Carrie Bradshaw is not the best reference for relationships, the fictional columnist said, “the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous!’’
