Stop sucking, start winning


Intramurals: Making athletes out of coach potatoes

Paige Kreutzwieser

For those of us who have participated in intramurals, we all know how legendary they can be.

From team uniforms that resemble 80’s aerobics classes, to washed up athletes reminiscing about their grade 10 glory days, to people who have never even participated in the sport make miraculous plays, or how about some of the most ridiculously creative team names; intramurals is full of the seriously unexpected, which in turn makes for some great memories.

Here are my top ten reasons why everyone should join an intramural team:

10. Intramurals can help you find a balance during school.

Everyone needs to take a break from homework and studying, and intramurals are a good excuse that you won’t be mad about taking time for. Unlike that nap you took which wasted three hours.

9. Intramurals can range in skill level.

That means if you feel like you want a good excuse for you and your buddies to relive your after school street hockey days, or perhaps more challenging competition in an “A” basketball league, the choice is all yours.

8. No one cares if you suck, plain and simple.

Unless it’s “that guy” who takes things way too seriously, no one is going to care if you accidentally bump the ball two courts over.

7. If you’re lucky, weight loss could potentially occur.

The dreaded freshmen 15 could easily be minimized to the freshmen 10 or five after a couple weeks of intense intramural soccer. While the sophomore 30, junior 45, or senior 60  – which I am hoping is just an exaggeration – could be reduced as well, since playing intramurals at any age is socially accepted.

6. Bribing is completely acceptable, and sometimes encouraged.

Ever wanted to win a game by just sweet-talking your ref into a week’s worth of English class notes? Intramurals could potentially give you that opportunity.

5. Enhance your social life.

Who doesn’t want new friends? Joining a team or playing against other teams can bring new friendships that might even continue outside of your Tuesday evening league.

4. Laughing is good for your health.

Want to get rid of that untimely beer gut that is creeping up on you? Joining an intramural curling league and watching the amount of uncoordinated  – and usually intoxicated – students attempting to slide will improve your core body strength from all the laughing that will take place. However, don’t blame anyone but yourself if your abdomen size actually increases due to the amount of beer you are drinking.

3. Potential for Kodak moments worthy of Facebook and Instagram.

Getting to watch one of your friend’s get violated in the face with a dodge ball or, epically fail at attempting an overhand serve will always makes for a great moment. Warning: Every intramural sport may contain entertaining and embarrassing moments that are unavoidable. Student discretion is not advised.

2. Provides another opportunity to get wasted.

The Owl makes for a great post-game discussion venue. Or, perhaps a great place for pre-game “warm-ups”.

1.You can finally be who you are.

When do you ever get the chance to wear tie-dyed shirts with “Multiple Scorgaisms” written on them and get taken seriously? Enough said.

Intramurals are a great aspect of university life that every student should participate in at least once in their post-secondary career.

Whether your team dominates, or you lose every single game, the outcome is usually positive and enjoyable. This is especially true when you are an absolutely unskilled crew, or extremely inebriated, and you somehow manage to annihilate the top team.

So get out there and sign up, and you’ll hopefully understand why intramurals are so much fun.

And a final word of advice; don't be “that guy” who does a five minute victory dance after he scores in ultimate frisbee. He’s never cool.

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