Don’t speak to adults as if they were children
“Oh, you poor thing! Aww! I am so sorry for you! Aww,” said someone to whom I was trying to explain how vaccination works. I know that sounds a wee bit confusing but allow me to give you the context.
For the sake of anonymity (and saving my relationship with this person) I shall not name them. The conversation happened during COVID-19 when a lot was said about the potential harmful side effects of vaccines and how vaccination was a government scheme to manipulate the masses. One of my favourite rumors at the time was that vaccines could somehow cause gene alterations. As a student of science I find that endlessly hilarious—but I digress. My attempt during the conversation was explain to this person how vaccines work. I decided to use real life examples to prove my point. Boy was that the wrong move.
I told this person how I contracted measles as a child because I was not vaccinated and how my younger brother who had been vaccinated did not catch the infection.This person decided to ignore the point I was trying to make started talking to me as if I were an infant. I wish words could express how peeved I was when I walked away from that conversation. Not to be dramatic but not only did I fail to prove the efficacy of research-backed immunization , I also had to put up with being infantilised by someone not much older than myself.
the notion that someone believes that things must be dumbed down and conveyed to me in a sing-a-song way drives me up the wall. Some people use infantilisation as conversation fillers. As soon as someone does that I know they are not actually listening or paying attention to me. At least that is what happened in the conversation I mentioned earlier. Just the idea that I am being perceived as a child is disrespectful to me.
Active and sincere listening is an important part of grown-up conversations. The pretentiousness of talking to another adult as if they were a child does not make one look sweet or kind or empathetic. In fact, it’s insincere, demeaning and frankly silly (I am trying not to use strong words here.)
As a strong feminist, some part of me also gets defensive that I am being infantilised because I am a woman. I admit that while that is the case sometimes it is not so always. What I have learned from experience is that how people behave has a lot to do with them than anyone or anything else. That being said, I would still prefer being talked to like an adult. I would prefer conversations with intellectual bantour rather than empty and callous remarks.
I am a grown-up woman of colour with a mind of her own. Don’t sugarcoat and gift wrap words for me. Whatever is said to me, however unpleasant it may be, it’s likely I’ve heard worse.
